Lost in Translation

So now I’ve been here a little over 2 and a half weeks, I’ve started taking private Spanish lessons, and I’ve had a whole 3 conversations with essentially strangers. My life is very exciting, I know.

Earlier this week an extremely charismatic guy was selling me some candy he made, and he sat down next to me and just started talking. So obviously i bought the candy. he’s been her 2 weeks visiting some friends, hes from DF, he thinks Guadalajara is muy padre, and hopes i enjoy my stay here, and then he awkwardly hugged me and left. I'm pretty sure that's what he said, I'm like 85% sure. The other day sitting in my favorite cafe, my favorite waitress actually was trying to start several conversations and i just couldn't do it. It might have to do with the fact i have a small crush on her, it might have to do with the fact i just have no idea what I'm doing, maybe because i couldn't for the life of me remember how to say scrambled eggs, you know small details. But she said my tattoos were gnarly and that’s all that matters. And then yesterday, in the same cafe (i am a creature of habit) another waiter saw me drawing and then started talking very fast. Like, about his opinions on art, the Mexican people, change for the nation, y know just regular small talk, and then I think he saw the look of panic on my face and was like “wait, do you understand Spanish?” and i was like hahaha some. Then the realization that this deep conversation he was having for the most part was one sided sunk in and i felt bad.

I know these small conversations may not be that interesting to anyone other than myself, but i have no friends here and most of the talking i do is when I'm ordering food, make small talk with other hostel-stayers, or when I'm talking to people back home. So i don't talk much.

I think why i felt inclined to write this post really was that last conversation. I know he was probably just talking because I'm that one weird girl who keeps showing up to the cafe and draws or writes or reads for a couple hours and wanted to know my deal, but I’m also very frustrated. I seek these types of conversations, I want to create these relationships but i don't have the words. He liked my art, and was telling me about how he thinks having a skill like that is expendable and somewhat liberating, among other things i didn't quite catch. He asked me why i was in Guadalajara, and the best i could explain was that I'm here for school under interesting circumstances. Then he started comparing the US and Mexico, and saying that the people here are too happy with too little, that their could be great change if the people cared more and i so badly wanted to say something meaningful but I couldn't. I feel like i lost my voice and i fucking hate it. My frustration with myself i think might actually be inhibiting my ability to learn and speak more, and it’s only making me more frustrated.

That’s basically all i have to say for this update other than I'm not dead, the art here is fucking cool, i’m getting glasses. Oh, I went to tequila and that was fun, I’m definitely going back.

Until next time,

--Claudia